Friday, December 12, 2008

truth and consquences

I loved you MSR. Truth. It broke my heart. Consequence. Please be careful with my heart MSR is all I asked. We started our relationship in secret. It was an affair. It continued. I was your lover. Then we shared more time, friendships, and then lived with one another. I should have known when the bedrooms were separated that I was being held hostage by my own desperation. I never wanted that separation. It hurt me to the core. It filled my psyche with division. I only wanted to share and be wanted like I wanted you. To love and be loved. A redemption for all the years I spent loving someone who never could love.

There were shared moments of love and kindness but I couldn't let go of that distance between us and now here I am forced into that distance beyond any abyss I've known. I cry but mostly I ponder why I loved that much, that hard, so full of desire. MSR will always be my special love.

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