loss and regret

MSR, I am deeply sorry for hurting you. The pages that I've written here are only evidence of my vulnerabilty. I lost control of who I was when I realized that I could not have you that way that I wanted and it was beyond my power to fix things. I deeply regret my actions and know that I have along way to go to find my centered self. I will miss you dearly in the months ahead but know that I do not want to hurt any more and only want to make myself a better person. I pray that when I feel whole again, you are willing to accept my hand in friendship and possibility. Again...please accept my deepest apology and deepest repentance.

fantasy

I would come home and she would be waiting or I would be waiting for her. To bring her sweet wine and kisses. To strip each other. For her hands upon me. Our lips together and our legs entwined.

There would be times of hard work and equal relaxation. Lazy languid days filled with cooking, lovemaking, and absolute naughtiness. Time to build shelves and paint and make a home.

It was all I wanted.

She could have asked for anything she wanted if I felt secure. My submission would have been complete.