loving

MSR, I am forcing myself to pull away from you and it's the hardest thing I've faced in quite some time. I am still to this day deeply in love with you and long for you. I am bathed in your beauty when I'm near you and treasure each moment I have with you.

Yet I can't make you want me. The hurt and problems we face seem too daunting to try and be in this relationship. I am sad beyond all reason.

I have felt your hurt and know my own shame in it. I long to repair what can't be undone. Yet I long to hear you say, "Sweet girl, I want to be with you."

I look for reasons to hope in our relationship. The race, a phone call or a text that has meaning between the lines. I only need confirmation of a desire to try, to hang in and have hope in love.
I long to hear the words, "I love you" or "I want to be here." I believe in their power.

I know you need actions and something stronger than flowery words. Yet I have these words and I have my small offerings of support in your work, your races, your ideas.

Oh sweet MSR! I long to see your eyes light up for me and shine brightly for eveyone to see. I long to hear you speak and open your heart the way I heard you so long ago.

While you say that we can't ever go back, I know that we can learn to trust and go forward if we have enough daring and compassion.

I never meant to cause you to clench and jump. My heart should have asked you gently for a stroke on my head, for a hand to hold, for a word whispered in my ear.

Kisses for always MSR.

trust

Secrets I tell no one, I tell you.

I need your firm hand on my face. I need the strength of your arm as you wield the belt and the force of your fist in my ass. I crave the humiliation of your cane. I long to serve for your pleasure. Tie my hands and hoist me up to be whipped at your command. I want to feel your cries of pleasure as my ass is impaled and my skin is cracked and welted. Let me kneel at your feet, under them, while pleasure is given to you. I want to revel in your desires.

I have only shared the dark secrets of my desires and fears with you. Yet as I tell you, I feel afraid. I fear that what I have shared is not embraced, will be spilled out and lost in a void.

MSR, you have this trust. Please hold it carefully. I will do my best to share freely with you and let our desires grow and flourish.

nothing more

Sweet MSR...there is nothing more I can say. I said it all over the last year and a half. I have read all our old emails, chats, the poems, the letters, the stories and the posts. It is all there. The up, the down, the falling, the connection, the wayward feelings, the fear and the hope.
I have always had hope MSR but I always felt the glass half full and I wanted it filled. That was too much to ask.

I love you with all my heart and I can't be asked to undo it.

hurt

I have hurt my sweet MSR and I am sad in many ways. I can only say that I'm sorry my love. I know that you are not inclined to forgive again and try again. I beg you to give us some space and time without forsaking our relationship. I will try to be more patient, to seek inner strength and love you in a more respectful way that you find appealing. I am the sweet girl that you know and love. I am not the monster that fear has ruled for months.



Light and Air for you MSR, I swear it.



Bring me your sweet candy. I can almost taste it.