what kind of love

I wrote a poem about 18 months ago and I think it's still true...

awkward, shy love
this is not that
lustful love
I confess
tender, careful love
always
disingenuous love
i do not want it
foolish love
perhaps
abiding love
for you and me I pray

I do not ever want a love that is disengenuous. I may be foolish at times in my desire but it's real and never put on like a mask.

I pray that when I look into your eyes and touch you lips with mine, my foolish self ceases to exist.

This love I have for you MSR encompasses many feelings inside one heart.
I like your style, energy, enthusisam, intelligence.
I love your stories and the quiet way you share them.
I love the parts of you no one sees---the fragile Sandi and the brutus Sandi.
I want to hold her.
I love my boisterous friend.
I like your hands.
I love your curiousity.
I admire your discipline.
I enjoy your company.
I revel in your sexiness.

Where does it lead me?

truth and shame

I had kept this tiny bit of hope in my heart that you really and truly loved me. I have felt shameless at times for how much I've held you close. I have felt completely shamed when I've hurt you. I have felt the pain of my own shame. My heart was boundless with you.

Was I alone in how I felt? Is love worth more than pride?

To know the truth is set yourself free. This is my new journey.